Petrodon
March 4th, 2003, 11:31 AM
I know that I have ranted previously about the wonderful and fun spam that inhabits my mailbox, and that I think that the people and companies that spam us are slightly below the level of dung coming out of a disease ridden elephant.
So, I post an open letter to one of my spam mailers.
<Note> If you think I am trying to soften my image by not posting a profanity ridden tirade, I am coming over to your house, pulling out a two by four and sticking it so far up your ass, you will think you just became the Scarecrow in the motherfucking Wizard of Oz. Petrodon = Hardcore
To the proprietors of the TEAR H*ER APART WITH YOUR BIG BIG SHAFT - 100% Natural Penis Enlargement company:
To begin, you cannot spell. Contrary to popular belief there is no asterisk in the word ‘her’, and there never has been. Nor is there any reason to put one there. In fact an asterisk is used only as follows; as a placeholder, in computer symbology to represent 'all' and as a mathematics sign to represent the mathematic computation of multiplication. While there may possibly be other uses for the asterisk, putting it inside a word is not and never will be one of them.
Secondly, why is your company name spelled in all capital letters, is there something that implies that putting something in caps will make us more likely to read it? While we are certain you have employed many experts with graphs, charts, computer models and the assorted ilk, rest assured we the consumers are not fooled by capital letters anymore.
Thirdly, why do you repeat the word big? Is it not enough you have insulted our intelligence with the misused asterisk and the capital letters? Believe us when we tell you that saying the word big once is more than enough indication that it is the focus of the statement. And is it truly worth another example of blatant ignorance of English grammar and structure? We think not. Let's face facts, at this point we are already completely exasperated with your entire advertising campaign and we haven't even looked at the product yet. Let’s do that now.
Your product, 100% Natural Penis Enlargement is possibly the most fabricated piece of nonsensical drivel we have ever had the misfortune to view. But, let's break down the product systematically. To start, let's look at 100%. Now what exactly does this imply, that somehow our penis will become 100% bigger, or that it works 100% of the time, or that it is 100% Natural? The ambiguity of this leaves much to be desired. We don't think that a 100% size increase would benefit us, nor would it benefit a reasonable section of the populace. We are already endowed with sufficient length for our needs and the needs of the beautiful and sensual ladies to whom we make love. Though many men will tell you that the penis cannot be too big, we beg to differ, for if a man had a penis the size of a baseball bat, there is no woman alive who could physically cope with the size. Nor is their sufficient blood inside the body to support erection of that size. So in a sense, some men could become braindead from lack of blood to the brain, and at the same time, still not having the opportunity to make love to the ladies. Are you somehow stating that this is the intention of your product, we certainly hope not.
Or is it that your statement somehow refers to it working 100% of the time. Are you aware that if this is the implication, that it could be considered a guarantee? Perhaps the deliberate vagueness of the promotion is to avoid a potential lawsuit stemming from criminal misrepresentation of the product’s potential. And truly if it does work 100% of the time and is such a wonder of a product, then why resort to the level of the uneducated and the spastic by having so many grammatical errors in the company name?
Or have you taken the path of least resistance and stated that the product is 100% Natural. Are you aware that nature is capable of producing toxins so deadly that the slightest amount can kill? And what is wrong with synthetic products anyway? Many synthentic medications have been saving lives for many years, and our lives are richer due to products such as plastic, which is commonly used in artificial hearts, valves, pacemakers, shunts, and other medical equipment. Are you somehow prejudiced against non-natural products? Are you aware that there is fiber board and plastic components inside the computer you used to mail us your advertisements? Doesn’t that make you hypocrites?
And finally what kind of natural product could you give us that would make our collective penises bigger, or is the last piece of the puzzle somehow hidden in that last word of yours... Yes, indeed, we see your plot now, attempting to lure us away from our hard earned money with the word enlargement. We foresee paying lots of money and having a single piece of paper with a photo of a naked woman on it. After all paper and ink are made of natural products, and seeing a naked woman would cause an erection, therefore as advertised a 100% Natural Penis Enlargement. We have your number now, you fiends.
So, in conclusion, you are a company predecated on lies and innuendos and your products are vaporous and nonsensical at best. You cater to the lowest common denominator and for that we refuse to click your links and play your games which will certainly end us reliving us of our money as well as our dignity. And that is not to mention the worst portion of this whole mess, that we never asked to be included in your ad campaign.
For the good of the land.
You must die.
Sincerely,
The pissed off people who have to spend their precious time deleting your sorry excuse for spam on a daily fucking basis.
P.S. Send us more of this sorry shit and we send a 1500 pound camel to your house to cornhole you and your whole fucking families, you cocksmoking motherfuckers.
So, I post an open letter to one of my spam mailers.
<Note> If you think I am trying to soften my image by not posting a profanity ridden tirade, I am coming over to your house, pulling out a two by four and sticking it so far up your ass, you will think you just became the Scarecrow in the motherfucking Wizard of Oz. Petrodon = Hardcore
To the proprietors of the TEAR H*ER APART WITH YOUR BIG BIG SHAFT - 100% Natural Penis Enlargement company:
To begin, you cannot spell. Contrary to popular belief there is no asterisk in the word ‘her’, and there never has been. Nor is there any reason to put one there. In fact an asterisk is used only as follows; as a placeholder, in computer symbology to represent 'all' and as a mathematics sign to represent the mathematic computation of multiplication. While there may possibly be other uses for the asterisk, putting it inside a word is not and never will be one of them.
Secondly, why is your company name spelled in all capital letters, is there something that implies that putting something in caps will make us more likely to read it? While we are certain you have employed many experts with graphs, charts, computer models and the assorted ilk, rest assured we the consumers are not fooled by capital letters anymore.
Thirdly, why do you repeat the word big? Is it not enough you have insulted our intelligence with the misused asterisk and the capital letters? Believe us when we tell you that saying the word big once is more than enough indication that it is the focus of the statement. And is it truly worth another example of blatant ignorance of English grammar and structure? We think not. Let's face facts, at this point we are already completely exasperated with your entire advertising campaign and we haven't even looked at the product yet. Let’s do that now.
Your product, 100% Natural Penis Enlargement is possibly the most fabricated piece of nonsensical drivel we have ever had the misfortune to view. But, let's break down the product systematically. To start, let's look at 100%. Now what exactly does this imply, that somehow our penis will become 100% bigger, or that it works 100% of the time, or that it is 100% Natural? The ambiguity of this leaves much to be desired. We don't think that a 100% size increase would benefit us, nor would it benefit a reasonable section of the populace. We are already endowed with sufficient length for our needs and the needs of the beautiful and sensual ladies to whom we make love. Though many men will tell you that the penis cannot be too big, we beg to differ, for if a man had a penis the size of a baseball bat, there is no woman alive who could physically cope with the size. Nor is their sufficient blood inside the body to support erection of that size. So in a sense, some men could become braindead from lack of blood to the brain, and at the same time, still not having the opportunity to make love to the ladies. Are you somehow stating that this is the intention of your product, we certainly hope not.
Or is it that your statement somehow refers to it working 100% of the time. Are you aware that if this is the implication, that it could be considered a guarantee? Perhaps the deliberate vagueness of the promotion is to avoid a potential lawsuit stemming from criminal misrepresentation of the product’s potential. And truly if it does work 100% of the time and is such a wonder of a product, then why resort to the level of the uneducated and the spastic by having so many grammatical errors in the company name?
Or have you taken the path of least resistance and stated that the product is 100% Natural. Are you aware that nature is capable of producing toxins so deadly that the slightest amount can kill? And what is wrong with synthetic products anyway? Many synthentic medications have been saving lives for many years, and our lives are richer due to products such as plastic, which is commonly used in artificial hearts, valves, pacemakers, shunts, and other medical equipment. Are you somehow prejudiced against non-natural products? Are you aware that there is fiber board and plastic components inside the computer you used to mail us your advertisements? Doesn’t that make you hypocrites?
And finally what kind of natural product could you give us that would make our collective penises bigger, or is the last piece of the puzzle somehow hidden in that last word of yours... Yes, indeed, we see your plot now, attempting to lure us away from our hard earned money with the word enlargement. We foresee paying lots of money and having a single piece of paper with a photo of a naked woman on it. After all paper and ink are made of natural products, and seeing a naked woman would cause an erection, therefore as advertised a 100% Natural Penis Enlargement. We have your number now, you fiends.
So, in conclusion, you are a company predecated on lies and innuendos and your products are vaporous and nonsensical at best. You cater to the lowest common denominator and for that we refuse to click your links and play your games which will certainly end us reliving us of our money as well as our dignity. And that is not to mention the worst portion of this whole mess, that we never asked to be included in your ad campaign.
For the good of the land.
You must die.
Sincerely,
The pissed off people who have to spend their precious time deleting your sorry excuse for spam on a daily fucking basis.
P.S. Send us more of this sorry shit and we send a 1500 pound camel to your house to cornhole you and your whole fucking families, you cocksmoking motherfuckers.