Inlaws

[wmgreer]

I hate my inlaws. OK, I know I'm not supposed to hate anyone. Loathe, despise, detest, abhor- take your pick. For several reasons too. Yesterday (6/4/2003) was my husbands birthday. Of course me and the kids wished him Happy Birthday, my brother and his fiancee wished him Happy Birthday, my dad wished him Happy Birthday. My mother called him and wished him Happy Birthday. But, do you think his own mother called him? NO, she did not. She didn't call the year before or the year before that. His sister did send him a card, but I think that was so he wouldn't get mad at her for scheduling her son's birthday party on the day that I was planning on having my sons birthday party. (They are always screwing something up) My husbands family never helps us out when we are having financial difficulty. But if his sister needs help, they jump right up. If my husband can not help them do something, they treat him like his got the plague.
Our daughter is not his biologically, but in every other sense she is his. Since we've been married and before, she's had 4-5 birthdays. His parents have not shown up to any of them Sure they get hersomething, but WE have to go to THEIR hose to get it (They have never been to our house,but they'll go all the way to Douglasville to see his younger brother which is like 1-2 hours away and they go to his sister's all the time. She lives like 2-5 minutes from us) Our daughter's dance recitial was this past weekend. Do you think they showed up? NO, they didn't, but let his sister's boys do something and they are there.
Our son's first birthday is coming up. If they show up to his, just because he is my husbands biologically and not show up to our daughters, that's it. There will be hell to pay. I'm not keepiny my mouth shut any longer. I've kept quite for going on 4 years. I've had it.

[MrBored]

KILL KILL KILL KILL!!!!

[ghiop]

Yeah, doesn't sound good. My family is about to get into something like that, I fear, just in reverse. Same situation, I think, with my cousin's fiancee already having a kid before he marries her, just in this case, we're pretty sure neither she nor my cousin are going to talk to the family much.

At the same time, if your husband can treat the first one as his daughter, then his family sure as hell should too. That's just the way it works. Has he tried talking to them?
I'd recommend that he do it, rather than you. I don't know you, really, or him, or his family, but if they already are pulling that business, then they'll probably just think you're a bitch if you try to say something. If he sits down and tells them (probably without you there) the same thing, they might listen more. Maybe its just people I know, but if they think he's actually doing it, and you're not forcing him into it, they might believe it more.

Or, they might just come out and say it, in which case that's a pretty clear green light to molotov their house. :)

[Odm]

You don't have to answer if you don't want to, but how is your daughter not his biologically?

[ghiop]

Originally posted by Odm
You don't have to answer if you don't want to, but how is your daughter not his biologically?

I have no idea what it is with her, but with my cousin's soon-to-be wife, she had the kid, something happened to that guy, and then she met my cousin. But, if that's what the cause is with wmgreer, I'd have to say that is a goddamn poor reason for them to do what they're doing.

[Odm]

Originally posted by ghiop
I have no idea what it is with her, but with my cousin's soon-to-be wife, she had the kid, something happened to that guy, and then she met my cousin. But, if that's what the cause is with wmgreer, I'd have to say that is a goddamn poor reason for them to do what they're doing. I'd have to agree.

[wmgreer]

@MrBored- don't tempt me.

@ghiop- Yeah he has tried talking to them. You ever tried to talk to a concrete wall? You'd get more response from a wall. They already don't like me cause I took their "do-boy" away. Want to hear something funny? We started dating on and off when I was 14. (I'm 28 now) The first time I went to his house, his mom swore up and down we were going to get married. (We started to seriously date in 1998. We became engaged in 1999, got married in 2000 ( June 16 will be 3 years) The closer it got to the wedding date, the more his mother became conniving. She even went so far as to bribe him ( the old me or her routine). I just don't know.

@Odm- When I was in college I met this guy. Things happened. He decided he didn't want to be "tied doem" with a kid and took off. But my husband loves her as if she was his own blood. And he'll tell anybody quick as lighting that she's his (including his parents.

But that is a poor excuse for his mom to treat her like that. Oh, She'l tell my daughter to her face and when I'm around that she loves her, but yet won't come to her birthday parties or dance recitials or anything.

[ghiop]

Yeah, it is a poor excuse.

Especially if you've been dating him for 14 years, even if it's on and off, they should have worked out any problems they had with you a long, long time ago. Like when you were 14. Anyway, though, do they know the child isn't his? I assume they do from the way you're talking. And are you planning on letting the child know this?

I haven't really been in that situation, so I don't know what the good parental solution is there, but it seems like family doesn't care about your daughter either way. It sounds like they have some sort of problem with you. I'd say the child is probably the biggest example they see of this. I don't know what the circumstances were with the on and off relationship versus the college romance thing, but that might have something to do with it. I don't know. But, if they are going to act like that, it might be better if they don't talk to you.

Or, you could just confront them, but that might get ugly.
But, you know much more than us, so I am no doubt wrong.

[wmgreer]

Originally posted by ghiop

But, you know much more than us, so I am no doubt wrong.

Actually, for someone who has no idea who I am, you,ve got a good grasp on things.
They know she's not his.( we are going to tell her, in a few years. Trying to figure out how to word it is the problem.) I believe that has alot to do with it. I don't know why they'd have a proble with the on-off relation with their son and the college thing. I mean, he dated other people too.
Trust me , if I could get by with not talking to them or going over to their house, I wouldn't have to much to do with them.

[Downfall]

They know she's not his.( we are going to tell her, in a few years. Trying to figure out how to word it is the problem.

None of my buisiness so you dont have to answer, but How old is she?

I was adopted (not the same situation i know but similar in some ways)and my parents told me at a very early age(around early elementry i think) I was able to take it pretty well and have never really had any problems with acepting it. Hopefulyl when the time comes she will be able to acept it fairly well too

:D

[ghiop]

Originally posted by Downfall
I was adopted (not the same situation i know but similar in some ways)and my parents told me at a very early age(around early elementry i think) I was able to take it pretty well and have never really had any problems with acepting it. Hopefulyl when the time comes she will be able to acept it fairly well too

:D

Hmm. Though I'm not adopted, it seems like it might be easier with her being the mother, instead of completely adopted. Don't know.

Anyway, with the on-off relationship thing, I wasn't sure if he was too or not. One of my friend's family got all protective of her and such because the boyfriend was going out with somebody different. But, that makes things less complicated, I think.

And flipping back, if the husband has been there from the start, and considers her his daughter, and that's the relationship they already have, it doesn't seem like it would be terrible. Always a hard conversation, I imagine.

[wmgreer]

Downfall: she's 7, 8 in September.

ghiop: a very hard conversation. He's been around since she was 3 and loves her and her brother more than anything in this world.

[ghiop]

Well, I think that's the important part. It seems like that once she sees that neither you nor he treat her any differently, it won't be as bad. I don't know, Downfall would know better than I about the lasting impact of that conversation, and such.

Anyway, its been a bit since you first posted this, has your son's birthday happened yet? I'm kinda curious whether your husband's family came. I assume your family is pretty active?

[wmgreer]

His birthday is August 6. I will let you know if my husbands family comes. My family is very active. The onlytime they don't show up to something is if they are bedridden and then only if they are hooked up to life support machines. We don't ever ask them for anything, they just give. They come over, they call on birthdays, they show up to special events. (And one thing that is so great about this is that my parents are divorced and married to other people) My husband has comminted time and again that he wished his parents were more like mine.

Downfall: How did your parents tell you? If you'd rather not talk about it, I understand.

[unskinnybob]

Originally posted by wmgreer
I hate my inlaws. OK, I know I'm not supposed to hate anyone. Loathe, despise, detest, abhor- take your pick...etc...etc...etc...

All the small things. Thank God (or whatever higher being you praise, be it Almusurmha, Supreme Chancellor of Mars, rulor of the underground yellow dwarfs), that you have a husband, kids, two eyes, legs, arms, tits, hands..... Inlaws (or outlaws as they deserve to be called) are infact related to Satan. They don't start out as relatives of Satan - this transformation happens when their child gets married to you. Accept that in their eyes you will never be good enough. Aim to dissappoint and you'll never again resent yourself for failing. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
Dr Wabooda K. Bob

[wmgreer]

Satan, huh? I almost believe it. My husbands mother still hasn't called him and his b-day was 3 days ago.

[Downfall]

Downfall: How did your parents tell you

Hmm....this is going back a while here...........

One day they just sat me down and started talking to me about it. I was a pretty laid back kid(although i was the root of all evil in the eyes of my teachers). I usualy just acepted a lot of stuff like getting punished or detention and moved on, never really whined too much abotu it.

Of course I didnt have any real conection to my original parents so i think that made it easier because i had nothing to identify with.

The only thing i know about it all is that i was adopted at the age of 3 by my curent parents and we get a christmas leter every now and then from the people who took care of me till i was adopted(not my real parents)

My curent parents or the ones who took care of me know anything about my orignial parents.

And none of that bothers me one bit. I just acept it and move on

[wmgreer]

OK. So you think maybe since Taylor doesn't know who her biological father is will make it easier on her?

[Smapdey]

My girlfriend and one of my best friends are both adopted. They were both told when they were 8. Another friend's father left as soon as he found out her mother was pregnant.

Ben likes his adopted parents, but they don't always get along so great. Sometimes he's distant with people, I think that might have something to do with his adoption and never knowing his real parents. Ben's a great guy though, don't get me wrong, I would walk across the sun for him.

Crystal was adopted at the age of 2, her mother was 12 when she was porn and her father is in prison. Her current parents are controlling, but they all get along and love each other just fine. Crystal knew her mother, and knows about her real parents, she just can't remember them and doesn't seem to want to know them.

Hailey never knew her father, but has a lot in common with him, and looks like him. Her mother has tried dating, but never found the right one. Hailey has male attachment issues and as a result is sort of a slut. She never had a father figure except maybe my own dad, but he's sort of hard to get attached to unless he's always around.

All three of them have issues with it, although the adopted ones even less than the other one.

As for my Girlfriend's parents, they like me because I'm responsive in conversation and they think I'm smart, but I don't think they're going to like me because I challenge most authority, ask questions, and I'm not catholic.

As for your problem WM, I think that you should simply see past it. That's how some people are. They're distant. If they don't want anything to do with you, that's their problem.

[Hobbes874]

Originally posted by Smapdey
My girlfriend and one of my best friends are both adopted. They were both told when they were 8. Another friend's father left as soon as he found out her mother was pregnant.

Ben likes his adopted parents, but they don't always get along so great. Sometimes he's distant with people, I think that might have something to do with his adoption and never knowing his real parents. Ben's a great guy though, don't get me wrong, I would walk across the sun for him.

Crystal was adopted at the age of 2, her mother was 12 when she was porn and her father is in prison. Her current parents are controlling, but they all get along and love each other just fine. Crystal knew her mother, and knows about her real parents, she just can't remember them and doesn't seem to want to know them.

Hailey never knew her father, but has a lot in common with him, and looks like him. Her mother has tried dating, but never found the right one. Hailey has male attachment issues and as a result is sort of a slut. She never had a father figure except maybe my own dad, but he's sort of hard to get attached to unless he's always around.

All three of them have issues with it, although the adopted ones even less than the other one.

As for my Girlfriend's parents, they like me because I'm responsive in conversation and they think I'm smart, but I don't think they're going to like me because I challenge most authority, ask questions, and I'm not catholic.

As for your problem WM, I think that you should simply see past it. That's how some people are. They're distant. If they don't want anything to do with you, that's their problem.
Are you talking about the Ben I know or someone else??

[Downfall]

OK. So you think maybe since Taylor doesn't know who her biological father is will make it easier on her?

In the begining yes. She will probably start to ask questions about him more as she gets older and can fully understand the whole situation.

[Smapdey]

Originally posted by Hobbes874
Are you talking about the Ben I know or someone else??

Yeah, I'm talking about Benny Ben Ben Ben.

[wmgreer]

It's been about 14 days since my husband's b-day. Tow or 3 days ago he had to call his dad about something and his mom answers the phone. She tells him that she's been trying to call for days, but that nobody has been at home. Which is a bunch of BS. Not only do we have an answering machine, but we also have callwave on the computer. During the week we don't hardly go anywhere.

[ghiop]

Call her on it.

Or, get Caller ID. Yeah, when my computer was down, the tech person with my new HDD said she tried to call me for a week, which was pure crap.

But anyway, you're further reinforcing the impression that they're complete wastes of time. I think your plan to do whatever after the birthday party is probably sound.
Oh, and I forgot to ask this earlier. Do they live far away? It sounds like they might be close, but I guess it might me less unacceptable if they are far away.

[wmgreer]

We got callwave with caller ID.

She used to tell me me that she tried to call but got no answer, etc.... after birthdays and such and I would always call her on it. I'd tell her that we have an answering machine and callwave. Every time. She doesn't say things like that to me any more. I guess she finally realized that I knew it was a bunch of crap.

They live about 5-10 minutes away.

[ghiop]

Damn. This situation just keeps sounding worse and worse every time you post. :)

Yeah, if they don't show up in August (was it August?) then you should cut them off. See how much they care then.

[wmgreer]

Don't it though!:)

Yes, it is August. Darien's is in August and Taylor's is in September. My husband, Duane (pronounced Dewayne) told me the other day if they come to one but not the other, they're not invited to any more birthdays. I told him I wasn't inviting them to anything, birthdays, dance recitals, etc. He also said that if they come to both, that they've bought themselves another chance. I told him that I'd think about it. He said ok.

If I cut them off, one of two things will happen. They will piss and moan that we don't love them, blah, blah, blah. Or they will not care.

[ghiop]

Well, I guess if they don't care, then you've got proof of their true nature. And if they complain, that would be a good time for the husband to have another talk with them, it seems.

Either way, you'll get the upper hand, it seems.

As much of an upper hand you can get from the situation, at least. :)

[wmgreer]

I think Duane is tired of talking. He's tried and tried to get them to see reason. He says it's easier to catch the wind!

[unskinnybob]

Originally posted by wmgreer
I think Duane is tired of talking. He's tried and tried to get them to see reason. He says it's easier to catch the wind!
How old are Duane's folks? I'm youngest of three. All my life I've made it well-clear to my folks that whatever shitass treatment I got growing up, I would repay when they got old. So next year, I'm putting them in the worst-filth-hole-piece-of-shit oldage home in Africa!

But seriously - have you tried threatening your inlaws? Violence truly is a special thing. Anyone who says violence doesn't solve anything just hasn't had a good whoppin' in a while.

[wmgreer]

They're in the late 50-early 60 range.
Violence? What am I supposed to do, beat 'em up?lol!

[ghiop]

Well, that would certainly be a change from the normal. :)

[wmgreer]

Must everything end in violence?

[Downfall]

Must everything end in violence?

no, but it is more fun when it starts that way:D

[wmgreer]

Originally posted by Downfall
no, but it is more fun when it starts that way:D

True, as long as I don't get hurt!!

[daniel99701]

hi
this goes a little back to where u were dicussing telling ur daughter but it might help anyway

my best friend is in the exact same situation ur daughter is in, because the father he is living with isnt his real one, but heloves him anyway because hes had him as a father figure since he was about 2. he has also known that he is not his biological father since he was a small child

i would say that you should probably tell ur daughter early on in life that he isnt her real dad. that way it will be easier for her to accept

but u dont have to listen to me cause im just a dumb 17 year old

[wmgreer]

Thanks! You're probably right about it being easier.

[wmgreer]

Well, Darien turned one the other day and we had his first birthday party. My husband's mother actually showed up. WOW! His dad didn't, but he had to work. Now all I have to do is wait and see if they show up for Taylor's birthday party in September.

[Downfall]

sounds a bit better than it did a while ago

[WhoGivesARatsAss]

glad that things are working out for ya!

[wmgreer]

Things do look promising.

[ghiop]

Good. It sounds like they are at least making an effort.

[wmgreer]

Taylor's birthday was in September. As expected, my husband's family did not show. We went to his mom's later and his sister's boy who is Taylor's age wanted to know if Taylor could spend the might. We said ok. We went to pick her up the next morning. His sister has another son who is 4. While we were waiting on Taylor to get her things together, the 4 year old was playing with our son, Darien. He is only 1. The 4 year old is very rough, knocking Darien down, headbutting him, nearly kicking him. Somethime after that I made the comment that I wished that his sister's 4 year old wasn't so rough. His sister came to the school the next day to pick up her oldest son. She basically started yelling at me in front of the other parents. (Thank God, the students who are carriders had not been dismissed yet.) Well, evidently his mom went back and told his sister that I had a problem with her son hugging and loving on my son. Later, I got a phone call from my husband's brother's wife. She told me that his mom had called her and was telling her all this stuff like I hit the 4 year old, pushed him down,etc. She also said that they told her that I went around on Buggy Days weekend saying a bunch of stuff about his sister. I was also told that the next time I went over to his mom's house she was going to tell me exactly what she thought of me and that I was no longer welcome.

[Yian]

I hate brats! Damn! And I'm serious! Stupid kids are causing all thr troubles!!!! If their kids don't want to behave properly and their parent decide to defend whatever their kids were doing, they are causing this society problem. Damn! :mad:

[wmgreer]

Exactly. Unfortunately, my sister-in-law thinks her kids can do no wrong.

[Downfall]

no offence but its those type of parents that turned me away from ever wanting to follow my parents and be a teacher.

[ghiop]

Cut them off. If they're going to put your child in danger and give you crap about it, it's not a good situation. It doesn't sound like a healthy relationship, and it won't do anything for you, your husband, or your kids. If their child is head-butting a one-year old, there's something wrong with them, not with you.

Or, you could just go over there so she can give you a piece of her mind, and give her a good planking. Give them all a good planking. And then cut them off. :)

[Digital Pimp]

Hopefully they'll get into trouble at school and there will be some hard evidence there to make your inlaw shut her trap about her kids being perfect. Those are the types of kids who will turn out to be druggies and such later in life and will be feeding off of mom and dad for money. Basically the hated ones of our society, damn freeloaders.

[wmgreer]

Planking?:confused:

[Downfall]

Planking

1. get plank.

2. get kid

3. whack kid with plank

4. reapeat as neccesary or untill unconsiousness..which ever comes first

[wmgreer]

Originally posted by Downfall
Planking

1. get plank.

2. get kid

3. whack kid with plank

4. reapeat as neccesary or untill unconsiousness..which ever comes first

:D