Friends with benefits...

[Smapdey]

Normally I dispense the ultra bad advice, not ask for it, but I've got a friend, I've known her for years, we've always talked about hooking up and getting together but we've never been really serious. Now I can't get her out of my head. I think about her constantly. I'm worried that if I pursue any sort of relationship with her (we've been going to school together for 5 years, we've been friends since forever) that I might destroy the relationship we've built together. Anyone else got any suggestions or other words of wisdom? I'm open to anything at this point.

[SixShooter]

Well, you have to decide what's more important? Your friendship, or any possible sexual relationship that may come from any of this?

I will make you one guarantee - If you have sex with her, your friendship will be irrevocably ruined. Maybe not right away, but at some point, it will die - and it will be the sex that does it in.

Some people think that sex doesn't change anything or that their frienship is strong enough to weather the problems that happen once those two people start a sexual friendship. But speaking from personal experience, it can, and will destroy your friendship - either by the two of you going your separate ways, or by it blossoming into something completely different.

So the question you should ask yourself - Can this friendship be sacrificed for a fling?

[Yian]

I think SixShooter got most of the point... she might be a very cool person if she is your friend, but the way you two interact to each other will change if she becomes your girlfriend, for better or worse. Try to envision this possibl futire and see if it is what you want. It is hard to find a friend and keep in touch with each other for 5 years, and I really hope you don't lose your patience or your sense and do something stupid... like I did.

What I fear is that she doesn't has the same feeling, and any move from this point would be dangerous. If I were you, I might just tell myself to calm down, wait for the right time. See if you can get something out of her, like how she thinks about you over these years... :)

[Hitman]

If the two of you are good friends and you have a healthy relationship keep it so, everything happens for a reason and there has to be a reason why yall didn't bust nuts already, hey maybe she has crabs, or maybe you have herpes, you never know.. another point is that we all know that after you sex a friend it's over, you will loose respect for her in "some form", it just won't be the same.. if I were you I would stick to keeping her around and just sex her friends, see she can still be a friend with benefits ;) .. keep it friendly or she'll just be another Slam-pig in your dirty black book.

[Smapdey]

Thanks, all of you, it really helped. I'm thinking about asking her if she's ever felt the same way though, good or bad idea?

[Yian]

Well, that's probably something needs to be done sooner or later... but it is not about the idea itself, it is about you... are you ready for what that question might bring afterward, no matter what her answers? Can you still be a friend of hers, or can she still be your friend? I couldn't know the answer so you are on this one now, buddy. Think it through... and good luck.

[cr3am]

what grade are you in Smap?

[willyc]

Well, it seems everyone is thinking that a more serious relationship involves sex. True, sex would change things considerably, but just because you move it up a step doesn't mean you two have to have sex. And if that is the only thing you can think about, the only thing you see possible to move forward to, then it would be a really bad idea for obvious reasons. since you have been friends for five years, I am assuming that you have been on variable dates. Perhaps not like... <i>true</i> dates, but dates, nonetheless. I would suggest talking to her, coercing out of her the feelings she currently has for you. I've been through this before and I just like slowly crept toward that topic in an online conversation with someone, almost pretending to be joking about it, and I eventually found out the feeling was mutual. lol... I did it by inventing a fan-club and, in her humble manner, she said nobody would join her fan-club, and my following compliments, questions into her reasonings, etc., ending in her saying the way she truly felt in a round-about sort of way.

Also, considering everyone was talking about sex... for God's sake, don't move to fast. That is the worst possible thing, trust me because I am now single because of my impatience and attempting to move it along too fast. Just maybe... heat things up a little bit. If you decide to coerce the true feelings out of her, then start doing little things like bringing her flowers unexpectedly, writing her poetry, and, above all, being chivalrous!! Take her hand and kiss it upon greeting her. Do all those little things and make them each a habit. It'll grow on her.


I have spoken my peace. And only because it is concerning love, my one true passion.

buzbyes
--WillyC

[Phoosh]

Alright, here comes the most important advice you'll ever get.

Step 1: SixShooter's advice is good, but he's a liar. He's not speaking from personal experience. He's not allowed to have sex, for fear of chinese water torture administered by yours truly.

Step 2: Alright, yes, you're friendship will effectively be ruined. But I do not know one honest friendship between boy and girl (that is like a best friends relationship) where one party isn't pining for the other. Sure, I may be good friends with alot of girls, but I'm only really good friends with girls I'm attracted to. Of course, I wouldnt mess up our friendship for it, it's just wierd like that.
Yet, the friendship may effectively be ruined already, if you're already feeling sexual attraction towards her. Once you start thinking of her like that, its hard as hell to turn those feelings off, so things may just get awkward, which is worse than not knowing what could have been sometimes.

I say go for it.

[Hobbes874]

Smap's a sophomore (10th) I would know her right? from corrales elem.? or bosque?
- It's possible that the relationship could work out but it could also be better if you stayed good friends, I've seen that being friends is all people can take, i dunno. but hey, who knows it might work :D I say go for it and see

[SixShooter]

Sorry, Phoosh, but you shooting me with a water pistol while shouting "KITCHEN No. 1! CHINESE FOOD!" is hardly water torture.

I'm about to do a horrible, horrible thing.

Go watch When Harry Met Sally. I know, I know, its a chick flick, and one you've probably seen a thousand times, but it is a great representation of how a man and a woman try to be friends after having sex with one another. It doesn't work.

Excerpt from When Harry Met Sally

Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally Albright: Why not?
Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: You only think you do.
Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sally Albright: They do not!
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: How do you know?
Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally Albright: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally Albright: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry Burns: I guess not.

[cr3am]

SixShooter...

[SixShooter]

I'm so happy!

*sniffle*

[SaintDL]

ROFL

[Hitman]

WOW.. lol some funny shit.

[Downfall]

hehehe...good job SixShooter........you done us proud

[Rhenna]

Smapdey:

I've had male friends for years whose friendship I treasure very, very much. Although in the dictionary, flirting and being flirtacious are closely related, for the purpose of this post I'll make a distinction between them. These guys have been flirtacious, which I'll define as being a sort of low-level sexual compliment that they find me at least somewhat attractive. They HAVEN'T flirted, which I would define as them having a definite agenda regarding something sexual happening between us. I truly believe I would instantly know when that line was crossed, and unless I had definite feelings of a similar nature towards that guy, it WOULD change my outlook towards him profoundly. And the boys are right, if there is sex between friends, things are never the same afterwards. Unless you're ready to begin a long-term, (ahem) deep relationship with this girl, I would recommend not going THERE, unless you just want to hit her and run. What's her friendship worth to you? (It's really just THAT simple...)

[Bluu]

Originally posted by Rhenna
Smapdey:

I've had male friends for years whose friendship I treasure very, very much. Although in the dictionary, flirting and being flirtacious are closely related, for the purpose of this post I'll make a distinction between them. These guys have been flirtacious, which I'll define as being a sort of low-level sexual compliment that they find me at least somewhat attractive. They HAVEN'T flirted, which I would define as them having a definite agenda regarding something sexual happening between us. I truly believe I would instantly know when that line was crossed, and unless I had definite feelings of a similar nature towards that guy, it WOULD change my outlook towards him profoundly. And the boys are right, if there is sex between friends, things are never the same afterwards. Unless you're ready to begin a long-term, (ahem) deep relationship with this girl, I would recommend not going THERE, unless you just want to hit her and run. What's her friendship worth to you? (It's really just THAT simple...)

i was gonna say the same thing...;)

[cr3am]

Originally posted by Rhenna
Smapdey:

I've had male friends for years whose friendship I treasure very, very much. Although in the dictionary, flirting and being flirtacious are closely related, for the purpose of this post I'll make a distinction between them. These guys have been flirtacious, which I'll define as being a sort of low-level sexual compliment that they find me at least somewhat attractive. They HAVEN'T flirted, which I would define as them having a definite agenda regarding something sexual happening between us. I truly believe I would instantly know when that line was crossed, and unless I had definite feelings of a similar nature towards that guy, it WOULD change my outlook towards him profoundly. And the boys are right, if there is sex between friends, things are never the same afterwards. Unless you're ready to begin a long-term, (ahem) deep relationship with this girl, I would recommend not going THERE, unless you just want to hit her and run. What's her friendship worth to you? (It's really just THAT simple...) but you forgot about the penis.... (seriously)

[Hobbes874]

I'm so proud of you sixshooter *sniff* *sniff* so......proud of my little boy :) growing up so fast....

[IkYiolul]

Originally posted by cr3am
SixShooter...

is that picture of you cr3am...and also why in your avatar you got a hoodie on? congrats on whatever you were winning...Im sure you deserved it lol.

[cr3am]

wtf?

[Yian]

Matt makes fun at the hoodie! Matt, you like my avatar? It has a hoodie too! And this is one of the avatars that hasn't changed since the forum was here!

[IkYiolul]

thas a bald guy yian..and its u...bald lolz

[Yian]

I'm not bald! I got hair at the rear! it was stylized! The head was covered with hair!

[IkYiolul]

Originally posted by Yian
I'm not bald! I got hair at the rear! it was stylized! The head was covered with hair!

Lol yeah yian...ur hair was turning gray before we even left the farm..

[Yian]

OMG shut up! They don't have to know that! My hair turns grey when I was born! No big deal!

[Yian]

I'm just here to point out something I find very intersting... look how this thread started as a topic how Smapdey need some suggestions on his dilemmas, and some jokers bumped in, and ow this thread is all with some weird posts from some weird people...

[Smapdey]

Yeah thanks a lot assholes.

BTW, it didn't work.

Celibacy is a bitch ain't it?

[Hobbes874]

Originally posted by Smapdey
Yeah thanks a lot assholes.

BTW, it didn't work.

Celibacy is a bitch ain't it?
DAMN STRAIT!

[Shadow]

Damn... strAIGHT?