What do you consider cheating?

[wmgreer]

Let's say you're married/engaged/idating someone, but you're having cybersex with somebody you don't know, is that cheating? I know a lot of people out there think that having physical sexual intercourse with somebody else is the ultimate cheating no-no. What about kissing? IMing?

What are your thought on these and anything I didn't mention?

[Striker]

I wouldn't think that would be considered cheating, necessarily. I mean, that'd be like saying talking dirty to some random girl would be cheating. You're not actually doing anything, just talking. It'd be something you could get pissed over, sure, but I still wouldn't say it's cheating, in that aspect.

[Smapdey]

I suppose cheating is really defined by the person you would be cheating on. For example, between my girlfriend Joanna and I, the agreement as far as loyalty goes is that we can do anything we want with anyone else we want apart from have sex, and this is largely just a measure to prevent the spread of STDs. Cheating is a term that is different to every relationship.

[StormyPeak]

I think Smapdey is right in this...it depends upon the personalities involved.

But I also have some things I think is kind of black and white when it comes to a couple being married...and it mostly hinges on the promises/vows they made to each other.

To me, committing to marriage is all about being loyal to your partner in every way you can - that vows were exchanged...each person gave their WORD that they would cherish only the other and no one else - remain faithful in mind and body.

I'm not suggesting that a married man can't raise an eyebrow or have his head turned by some sexy thing walking down the street, or appreciate looking at women in general...but to actively have any kind of sexual relationship with another woman (physical or mental) is, to me, cheating when it comes to a married person doing that with anyone but their partner. So in this case, I think cyber-sex is cheating...it's not physical...but it's still a sexual relationship with someone other than one's wife. (same thing goes for the woman...looking is ok...but she shouldn't flirt with other guys, or get into some online romantic chat with other men)

People who are not married, can of course have very serious commitments too, but unless they make some kind of promise or vow to each other, then I think that it's more of a grey area.

I have a guy I've known for many years, I never wanted to live in a big city and have my own business here in my small town.
He on the other hand is a cop in a big city and some day wants to come back to this small town...where he went to high-school. We've had a long term relationship since the early 1980's. We have an understanding...we both date other people, but we also know that it's more than likely that when he retires in 10 more years...that he'll move here and we'll end up married.
But as it stands now, if I knew he went to bed with other women, I can't say he's cheating on me, nor would I hold it against him...he's made no promises to me...he feels the same way about me and my dates with other guys. Even though we have a love for each other....there's no possesiveness involved either...but especially at this point in time...no promise involved.

Again, I think most of the time it comes down to personalities. But if a partner is having cyber-sex and it hurts the feelings of the other person who they are with...then that alone is reason not to do it.

Stormy

[Downfall]

so thats what you have been doing while you arnt on here :D



^ and ^^ are right in that its does differ from person to person. some i know consider kissing another girl cheating while others dont care about anything unless they fuck them.

(she fell on my dick i swear!......over and ..over again....)

[wmgreer]

What about lustful thoughts?

[Roq]

Yeah i think it depends on each relationship, but how many couples who are that serious with eachother sit down and set limits of their partners sexual activity? If you've never done that, chances are your significant other would not approve of cyber sex.

[schnitzel_bob]

What about lustful thoughts?

As long as you don't act on them. If people had to defend every thought that crossed their mind, then we'd all be perma-pissed at each other.

[Downfall]

if lustful thoughts were out then im prety sure most of the male population would be dead.

[bxx]

in all honesty, i dont consider it cheating if you havent actualy set limits. take me for example, most girls say im unfaithful because i like to go out wiht many girls at the same time. well i dont think thats true. the things is i personaly beleive that you can get to know many girls at the same time. finding someone to be faithful to is hard and also very important.

[Hitman]

Cheating includes anything that involves another guy touching my lady's body.. i'd fuck you up.


Same thing for her also, if she wants to cheat just tell me and let's break the fuck up.. do shady shit behind my back and she'll get it also.

[Downfall]

possesive arnt we :D

[Hitman]

possesive arnt we :D

No.. I simply have caveman disease, I also mastered the art of dragging by the hair.

[Downfall]

thats a good thing to master. goes well with the swinging of the club. (also works well with seals)

[farsimon]

I agree that it depends on the relationship. I would consider it cheating if my wife did it without my knowledge (not neccesarily my consent), and I had to find out through some other channel - even if it's just going out with a guy to have a cup of coffee.

[wmgreer]

Ok, here's the situation. I have a friend who is a happily married woman. She's known this other guy (he's married as well) for as long as she's known her husband, met him the same day in fact. (about 18 years give or take) They've always been close. In the past few weeks she's become sexually attracted to him. She says that it doesn't help that he flirts with her, gives her special looks and smiles. (the attraction started before the looks, smiles, and flirting) She's terribly frustrated sexually. Even sex with her husband doesn't help. She's under the weird impression that if she could fuck him just once, she'll be ok. Oh, this guy has cheated on his wife a couple of times before.

To quote her: "My husband is happy, I'mgetting some satisfaction, but I'm not getting the release that I want"

[RacerX]

Well, I think it depends on the situation and the couple - like everyone else said here. But I draw a distinction with the types of relationship. Dating is such a broad term that any interaction with another interest could be considered cheating OR it might not be considered cheating. If people are dating they can set the terms of committment however they want to.

However, when it comes to being engaged or being married, I think the whole thing gets a lot more clear. I personally believe that once you get engaged and once you are married, you are done shopping around. You are making a commitment not just physically but emotionally as well. If someone in an engagement or a marriage feels the need to go to someone else then I think the engagement or marriage needs to be broken up.

To seek emotional, intellectual, or sexual gratification from someone other than the one you committed yourself to is cheating. I think that any marriage or engagement that a couple has agreed to allow each other to fool around with others in, violates the whole conecpt of the committment. Just my opinion.

[Digital Limit]

If my woman even _THINKS_ about another man, I dump her.

[SuperDavidGT]

do wedding vows mean nothing any more?!?

cheating is an act. If you need set guide lines, check the ten commandments. It basically says "thou shalt not fuck out of wedlock" so i guess it's okay for your "friend" to think dirty, just as long as she doesnt do dirty. in the end you just have to make sure she goes and steps into the other persons shoes, and wonders how her husband feels, how her children would feel if they got divorced, etc etc. maybe it will come to a point where she realises she's unhappy, and who knows, actually be mean enough to destroy her family for this other guy.

of course, if that was my woman, i would be mega pissed. if that was me, i would be mega pissed, but since im not married, id probably end up going for the old trade in line; "you're broken, i want a new one"

[LynX]

wmgreer: you should beat some sense into your friend.... if she cheats on her spouse once, she'll do it again and again and again.... it becomes an addiction that grows stronger with every time she gets away with it. And eventually it will blow up in her face.
Same old story that's been happening in families all over the place, you don't need to be a genius to see it.

From your description, looks like she feels bored with all the "contentness" and "happily married" status, and wants to do something "exciting and different".
You could suggest that she take her husband on a vacation to some "exciting" place for a couple of weeks... and contemplate the real reason why she feels the urge to cheat on her husband.

She should also stay a little farther away from that friend of hers... obviously he's trouble. The fact that he's cheated on his wife not once, but several times should have already been a clear warning about his character.

Personally, i'd define cheating as having an intimate relationship with someone not your spouse and not your close relatives. Once an intimate emotional relationship is built, the physical part isn't far behind.
How do you avoid this from happening? Keep your friends close, and your husband/wife closer.

[wmgreer]

Sounds like good advice. I'll tell her. The only problem with the staying away from the other guy is that just about every weekend my friend and her husband get together with the other guy and his wife and tw0 or three other couples. Don't you think it will look suspicious if all of a sudden she says she doesn't want to anything with these people every weekend?

[Downfall]

so wait a tic..

this womans husband has cheated on her a few times already? or the other guy has cheated on his wife before?

if its the other guy then he is just geting his thrills by going after married women. i take it the other women he has cheated with arnt exactly around much anymore?

[LynX]

Well, since she has her husband around, it's not a problem. At other times, just don't give him any opportunity to flirt, or let him give her special looks or whatever, since he can only do that when her husband isn't around to see it.

It's also obvious she encourages him by responding to his flirting in a positive manner, so if she excercised a little self-control and hinted that she wasn't interested in his advances he'd eventually get the message and turn his attention somewhere else.

[wmgreer]

so wait a tic..

this womans husband has cheated on her a few times already? or the other guy has cheated on his wife before?

if its the other guy then he is just geting his thrills by going after married women. i take it the other women he has cheated with arnt exactly around much anymore?

The other guy has cheated on his wife before.

@LynX: it happens in front of my friend's husband

[RacerX]

I've got a lot of respect for LynX and SuperDavidGT. I concur with your sentiments.

Not to make a "Jerry Springer TV Show" plot in regards to wmgreer's friend, should her friend ever consider coming clean to her own husband? What are the chances they could work through this by getting it out in the open?

Hey wmgreer, how do you think your friend's husband would react to finding out that there was flirting going on?

I'm sure ending the flirting would be best right now but I'm not sure what else should be done.

[schnitzel_bob]

What has given your friend the idea that if she sleeps with her friend once, that will make things all better? I can't see that helping. I agree with LynX that she should stop responding to his flirtatiousness.

[Hitman]

Ok, here's the situation. I have a friend who is a happily married woman. She's known this other guy (he's married as well) for as long as she's known her husband, met him the same day in fact. (about 18 years give or take) They've always been close. In the past few weeks she's become sexually attracted to him. She says that it doesn't help that he flirts with her, gives her special looks and smiles. (the attraction started before the looks, smiles, and flirting) She's terribly frustrated sexually. Even sex with her husband doesn't help. She's under the weird impression that if she could fuck him just once, she'll be ok. Oh, this guy has cheated on his wife a couple of times before.

To quote her: "My husband is happy, I'mgetting some satisfaction, but I'm not getting the release that I want"

That dirty little whore.. shit like that is why i'm against marriage, being the good friend that you are you should convince her to kill herself, that will end her fustration.

She is not a real woman, why not be content with what you have and try to bring new things to the relationship to spice things up, she should be ashamed by trying to take the easy way out by fucking someone else and not trying to make it work.. yup.. I love sluts, just not shady sluts like your friend.

[Kain]

To quote her: "My husband is happy, I'mgetting some satisfaction, but I'm not getting the release that I want"

Sounds like the husband isnt performing to the standard. maybe youshould "accidnetly" leave sex help books around the guys path, maybe he'll learn something

That...or the woman is jut making an excuse to sleep with this guy. something wierd iv always found is when someone is about to do something there not sure they should do, so they try to tell you the situation, and no matter you tell them, or how many good facts youll point out why they shouldnt, thell still just plod along and do it. My advice, sit back, grab a camera for when the shit finaly hits the fan and then just show us the clip.

[caregirl]

I agree with LynX and RacerX. They have very good points to be heard. The fact that she is married and not even worried about her marriage only herself and her sexual thoughts is really shitty of her. Because one night, is just one night, and he's obviously had one night over and over again. Unless she is intending on leaving her husband for this man, she should think 100 times before she goes through with anything. Especially if she loves her husband, because if she loves her husband she will get over the little lizard that whispers things about eating the forbidden fruit, because she will lose the things most dear to her. The grass is always greener on the other side. It doesn't matter if everyone notices their absense from the weekends... she should stay away from the guy for as long as possible. And try to see the sexy things in her own husband... taking an exotic vacation or just trying something new would be very smart. And have her watch the movie Unfaithful, that movie is awesome.

Marriage is a commitment to another person, breaking that commitment ends in divorce and unless she wants to become another statistic tell her to stop thinking so much about herself and start thinking about her husband and family.

[wmgreer]

She loves her husband very much. Not to many men other than her husband appreciates the way she looks. She's had a couple of kids and it's been hard forher to lose the weight and flab. She's starting to lose it finally and this guy is giving her compiments. Her husband is too, of course. Of course, her husband loves her for who she is and not for what she looks like. She needs to realize that. If her husband is happy and fine with the way she is, then that is all that matters, right?

[SuperDavidGT]

IMO, you and your friend should confront him next time you see him, get everything out in the open between them (whilst you mediate) and sort it out. I'm sure if she gives him enough reason he won't find her attractive or worth thinking about anymore, and they can get on with their lives.

Or better yet, cut his jacobs off.

[Striker]

Or better yet, cut his jacobs off.
Aye, swipe the family jewels! Yarr!

[farsimon]

There's no solution to the feeling that you want to fuck someone. When you're horny like that there are very few things that can cause a person to think rationally. It won't help to bring it in the open, or to speak about it, or to avoid the person - all those things will make the goal harder to achieve and the need to achieve it greater than before.

I agree with kain here - just send us the pics when it's done...


On a side note... normally when a conversation starts with "I have this friend..." the speaker is speaking about himself... wmgreer, you are a bad girl! (I'm joking of course)

[wmgreer]

On a side note... normally when a conversation starts with "I have this friend..." the speaker is speaking about himself... wmgreer, you are a bad girl! (I'm joking of course)

:p

Nay, I'd come on here, post 'LOOK WHAT I DID THIS WEEKEND!', then post pics. ;)

[WhoGivesARatsAss]

:p

Nay, I'd come on here, post 'LOOK WHAT I DID THIS WEEKEND!', then post pics. ;)
Rofl! But seriously, your friend needs a good spanking so that she gets some sense in her. Dirty thoughts is one thing but balatantly asking you for having sex w/ the other guy who has had sex w/ other women before. Wtf. That's just the most idiotic thing I've heard about real life apart from movies.

In our culture, a women wouldn't even think that far except about actors and then masturbate and go to sleep.

[SuperDavidGT]

In our culture, a women wouldn't even think that far

only because they'd get stoned if they did



:p

Nay, I'd come on here, post 'LOOK WHAT I DID THIS WEEKEND!', then post pics. ;)

so what are you waiting for?

i think when farsimon says there's no solution, he could be wrong. oh hell, he is wrong. if there's one thing ive learnt about women its that their sexual attraction is coupled to love. if they love someone, they'll be faithful, simply because they dont desire anyone else. if she truly loved her husband, she wouldnt be getting all hot under the collar about this other guy who, lets face it, is a total manwhore.

if the husband loves her, and she really loves her husband, they need a night alone with the holy trinity:

for him: redbull & vodka with oysters on the side

for her: redbull & vodka, with a massive chunk of dark chocolate

U2 in the background and lots of freakin candles for a nice touch, then get rid of ALL distractions, ie kids, phone, tv, contraception etc. trust me, it works wonders ;)

once that's over, then we'll see whos attracted to someone out of wedlock. and then i recommend you also put a hit out on the scumbag who started it all.

[WhoGivesARatsAss]

only because they'd get stoned if they did


Word up. :p.

[farsimon]

i think when farsimon says there's no solution, he could be wrong. oh hell, he is wrong. if there's one thing ive learnt about women its that their sexual attraction is coupled to love. if they love someone, they'll be faithful, simply because they dont desire anyone else. if she truly loved her husband, she wouldnt be getting all hot under the collar about this other guy who, lets face it, is a total manwhore.

Actually it's not as simple as that... in almost every instance where a spouse cheats on the other they still love their spouse as much as always. And cheating almost never has anything to do with love. (There are exceptions)

Women experience lust even stronger than men, and in most cases their fantasies affect them much stronger than it does for guys - even though their fantasies might not be as elaborate or wild as guys' are. And yes - women cheat as much as men does.

And if you think there is such thing as: "if they love someone, they'll be faithful, simply because they dont desire anyone else" - you still have a lot to learn about women and life, my friend.

[wmgreer]

I gave the advice ya'll came up with and she totally agreed with it. ThenI asked what she was going to do about it and she just shrugged and said I dunno.

Maybe if I punch her in the nose he won't be so attracked to her when he nose swells like a balloon.

[san_pali]

And if you think there is such thing as: "if they love someone, they'll be faithful, simply because they dont desire anyone else" - you still have a lot to learn about women and life, my friend.
+1
Sad, but true.

[bxx]

mmm i know my opinion isnt very important to alot of the people here, but personaly i beleive that your friend should be thinking about herself in this case. i know its very weird and selfish to say that, but think about it? i mean marriage is a commitment and if your not happy, well i think you have to listen to your feelings. thinking about her husband and family is important i wont argue that, but putting them before her own happiness? thats just silly. its like staying with someone just because that person my hang herself. in way this is alot like peer pressure. if this woman isnt happy and is having unfaithful thoughts then she should explore them. and by explore i mean go see a marriage counselor or any profesional that could shed light on what shes feeling. its only after shes explored and thought about things very carefully that shell be able to stay in a comitment such as marriage. tell her that she SHOULD listen to herself in this case.

[bxx]

as for everyone here who would judge this woman, honestly who the fuck are you to judge her? after all how many of us understand her situation to its full extent?

[Striker]

This is Atrip, we're all about judging. Fucking Canadians.

[schnitzel_bob]

Hey, fuck you eh!

[Smapdey]

I think using aimbots and trainers is cheating too.

[StormyPeak]

mmm i know my opinion isnt very important to alot of the people here, but personaly i beleive that your friend should be thinking about herself in this case. i know its very weird and selfish to say that, but think about it? i mean marriage is a commitment and if your not happy, well i think you have to listen to your feelings. thinking about her husband and family is important i wont argue that, but putting them before her own happiness? thats just silly. its like staying with someone just because that person my hang herself. in way this is alot like peer pressure. if this woman isnt happy and is having unfaithful thoughts then she should explore them. and by explore i mean go see a marriage counselor or any profesional that could shed light on what shes feeling. its only after shes explored and thought about things very carefully that shell be able to stay in a comitment such as marriage. tell her that she SHOULD listen to herself in this case.

Fine if she wants to go on to new things...but she should not be doing it behind her hubby's back...that's the coward's way.

If she wants new things, then she should have to pay the price for them...and trade in what she's got already. She made a PROMISE to her husband when she married him...a promise to be faithful. I guess for some people their Word isn't worth much...which to me...makes for a worthless person. If she wants to break her marriage vows, she should seek a divorice first and then go screw anyone she wants without betraying her spouse.

Stormy

[RacerX]

+1

[bxx]

Fine if she wants to go on to new things...but she should not be doing it behind her hubby's back...that's the coward's way.

If she wants new things, then she should have to pay the price for them...and trade in what she's got already. She made a PROMISE to her husband when she married him...a promise to be faithful. I guess for some people their Word isn't worth much...which to me...makes for a worthless person. If she wants to break her marriage vows, she should seek a divorice first and then go screw anyone she wants without betraying her spouse.

Stormy


Hence why I said and I quote:
and by explore i mean go see a marriage counselor or any profesional that could shed light on what shes feeling.

[bxx]

as for breaking vows and lying? i mean, its not like people dont do that all of the time, why shouldnt it happen in marriage as well.

[TopSecretBoy]

Fine if she wants to go on to new things...but she should not be doing it behind her hubby's back...that's the coward's way.

If she wants new things, then she should have to pay the price for them...and trade in what she's got already. She made a PROMISE to her husband when she married him...a promise to be faithful. I guess for some people their Word isn't worth much...which to me...makes for a worthless person. If she wants to break her marriage vows, she should seek a divorice first and then go screw anyone she wants without betraying her spouse.

Stormy

I agree with this 100%.

[Odm]

as for breaking vows and lying? i mean, its not like people dont do that all of the time, why shouldnt it happen in marriage as well.
Saying "Everyone else does it" is a pretty ridiculous justification for anything. Besides, marriage is significantly more important than most other things.

[bxx]

tell that to the very high percentage of divorve.

[LynX]

Heh, is her husband blind or something....

He needs some sense beaten into his head as well.

Well, hope it won't turn out like the usual "cheatin' hearts" story....

[Smapdey]

People were not meant to be monogamous.

[SuperDavidGT]

People were not meant to be monogamous.

You're right. Lets all convert to Islam

[schnitzel_bob]

People were not meant to be monogamous.

Neither were we "meant" to live in cities, but what makes us human is our ability to rise above what our animal instincts tell us to do.

[Smapdey]

Because we do that so often.

[schnitzel_bob]

I'm not defending or supporting monogamy here, but either you believe in marriage, in which case you don't fuck around, or you don't believe in it. If this woman sleeps with another man, it will only come back to bite her in the ass.

[bxx]

maybe thats waht she wants man, for it to comeback and fucking toss the shit out of her salads! ever thought of that?!

[WhoGivesARatsAss]

maybe thats waht she wants man, for it to comeback and fucking toss the shit out of her salads! ever thought of that?!
That's a pretty fucking twisted cool way of putting things in perspective. Thank you.

[wmgreer]

She didn't see the guy at all this weekend. Plus her and her husband had a hear tto heart talk after they had a huge fight. He doesn't know anything about the way she was feeling, but she did realize that what she really wants is her husband and children.

[SuperDavidGT]

so is the sin resolved? or do i need to call a priest for his advice?

[wmgreer]

yeah, she relized she loved her husband to much to do something stupid.

[WhoGivesARatsAss]

yeah, she relized she loved her husband to much to do something stupid.
Fuckin' A!

[farsimon]

...so are the days of our lives

[AVataRR]

if she uses aimbot or wallhack, that's cheating.

[Smapdey]

I already made that joke.

[farsimon]

he just cheated by copying your post

[TopSecretBoy]

he just cheated by copying your post

Do you consider that cheating?

[WhoGivesARatsAss]

Do you consider that cheating?
Its called plagirism (sp?) because he did not made a reference to Smap.

[TopSecretBoy]

Its called plagirism (sp?) because he did not made a reference to Smap.

Do you consider that cheating?

[xenophage]

Do you consider that cheating?

Nope, IGN does it all the time

[SuperDavidGT]

Nope, IGN does it all the time

si IGN are cheaters then?

[TopSecretBoy]

P-P-P-PWN

[xenophage]

si IGN are cheaters then?

Yeah and they call it the Editorial Team

[Rohan]

Cheating includes anything that involves another guy touching my lady's body.. i'd fuck you up.


Same thing for her also, if she wants to cheat just tell me and let's break the fuck up.. do shady shit behind my back and she'll get it also.

lol, best solution I think. Cheating starts with the mind.

[Smapdey]

Die thread, die.