customers...

[PHAT_ASS]

everyone has had a job with the public... either in a wal-mart, grocerie store, telemarketing, etc etc etc....even if "they" say customers are Always right, we all know they're fucking stupid and that they need this "always right" bullshit to protect them. Now lets hear it, your funniest customer stories, along with those you cringe the most.

I work alone in a conveniance store during the evening and I just have too many to list...

first theres the old senile people who have you check their year load of lottery tickets during rush hour while 20 other people behind get pissed off (at you of course, cuz you cant scan those tickets quickly enough...not cuz the machine is too slow to respond or that the old man coudnt come at a different time, no, just cuz you suck, haha)

then theres the kids.... those damn kids that cant make up their minds... they could spend 30 minutes trying to chose between two kinds of candies, or screaming at their parents to get both.

then theres the people that try to be funny. we've heard the conveniance store jokes a thousand times before...just let it go.

then theres the lil thugs-in-the-making-wearing-sideways-baseball-caps stealing everything, and theres the older niggers which call you racist if you don't smile at them properly.

anyway... this could almost be in the rant section hahaa... now for a lil laugh. We all know conveniance store bathrooms are nasty...well a customer recently took a dump on the floor in there.... no not in the toillet bowl a few inches away; on the floor. :p

ill think of other funny stuff... you guys have any customer stories?

[SuperDavidGT]

Working in a bar, I have quite a few.

There was a couple of guys fighting over the pool table, something petty like who was going to sink the black where, the bouncers told them to calm down, chill the fuck out, etc, so they did. I came by doing a round and asked "who won?" and they started arguing again, calling eachother cheat... then one of them grabbed the cue, snapped it in half, and tried to stab the other guy in the gut. The bouncer was on him too quickly tho, dragged him out and threw him on his ass. They chucked the other guy out not too long after, and they tried to bash eachother on the street.

Thinking way back to new years, about 11pm the power went out. I was out back at the time, chucking the bins out, so the electronic lock deadbolted on me and I had to run around to the front. There was a huge moolit brawl going on out front, and since the pub is on the second storey of a motel I couldnt reach the stairs to the door. So i had to use my key to get in through one of the side doors with a proper lock, and by the time I managed to get back to the bar the lights came on. My boss was holding a 2by4 in his hands, about to smack some redneck who made it past the line of bouncers defending the bar, and the girls had grabbed all spirits bottles under the counter and thrown them into the fridge. As soon as the lights came back everyone suddenly backed off, as if the brights turned them back into normal human beings.

[Top Secret]

I work in a movie theater, and as such, have to deal with fucking morons all day long. I get so fucking pissed off. For instance, someone walks into the movie theater and wishes to buy food. So they wait in line for a couple of minutes and once it's their turn, they walk up to my register and say "What do you guys have?"

MOTHER FUCKERS
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK YOU!

There is a gigantic ass board up and behind me, and by gigantic I'm talking 2 meters x 8 meters. Fucking huge. CLEARLY LABELED.

It's a motherfucking movie theater, what do you think we sell fuck face, Peanut Butter Sandwiches? Did you not notice the two popcorn machines the size of a small car overflowing with popcorn right behind me?

Also, why does everyone complain about the fucking prices? 6.75 for a large popcorn and 4.50 for a large soda. Expensive as fuck, yes. But don't bitch about it and then fucking buy it you fucking hoe.

"Oh my god, that is rediculous, how can you people rip us off like that?" As the bitch hands me a 20 dollar bill.

I just want to fucking smile and say "Just like this!" as I snatch the fucking bill out of her hand.

[unskinnybob]

Your lives suck. I am the customer. I am always right.

[King Speedy]

Never had to work retail, or deal with crazy people other than the occaisional nutty school-board member. Sucks to be you.

[PHAT_ASS]

haha topsecret that is true, people cant read. they always come up to me asking me the obvious instead of looking at the huge sign promoting something, or whatever. one thing they can read though is when you've mis-scanned an item and the price written on the register display seems too expensive :D

[PHAT_ASS]

oh right theres the condom customers. those are the best. Theres usually three kinds:

the first one will be shy and will whisper the word condom so no one hears (even though he's alone with you). When i get this kind of customer, i usually walk up to the rack and ask "Which kind of condoms?" Then he gets all nervous and points to any of em, looking in back to see if anyone is laughing at him.

the 2nd customer is the best. he usually walks up to the beer fridge and grabs a b40, then he asks for extra-large condoms with utter confidence. this is where at some point i had a big Planter's peanut pot in the form of the Planter peanut guy which i covered with a condom. I pull it out and say: "If you say your cock is any bigger than this fucking thing, i just cant believe you, but i guess i can give you some plastic bags instead."

and theres the 3rd one, who is basically the loving couple looking forward to spicing up their night:

guy: "hey ill take these ultra-thin condoms"
girl: "no wait, what are these? Ribbed condoms for her pleasure? how bout we try these?"
guy: "oh cmon those suck, you just really don't want me to feel anything out of this do you?"
girl: "its that or you're not getting it ton---"
guy: "We'll take one box of ribbed condoms please!"

[greymeister]

girl: "its that or you're not getting it ton---"
guy: "We'll take one box of ribbed condoms please!"

At this point you punch the guy in the face and call him a pussy right?

[Darz]

Not that big of a deal, but it annoys me quite a bit.

I'm a cashier at this grocery store where the customers can be members of the store or other stores that are loosely connected to each other.

Everytime they walk up in my line I have to ask them "are a member?". Most of the people answer yes or no, but the stupid ones ask me the question, "Do you have to be a member to shop here?".

Now, first of all, if you had to be a member, why would we have let you into the store if you aren't. We aren't going to let you walk around the store for 20 minutes picking out your shit, going to the registers, and then being kicked out of the store for not being a member.

Secondly, why would I have asked you if you are a member or not, if I am assuming that you are already a member? Wouldn't a more appropriate question in that case be "please give me your member number."?

A couple days ago I had this lady come up to my register. She was one of those people that are not all there in the physical world, the people that are like "whoa, what's going on?...oh yeah, I'm shopping". They move really slow, they talk really slow, maybe they are semi-retarded, who knows? Anyways, I get done ringing all her grociers, just put through her credit card, handed her the slip to sign, and then she asks me if she has to be a member to shop at our store. Yes lady, we steal your money, and then we kick your ass out of the store for not being a member. That had to be one of the most retarded things to happen to me while working there.

[san_pali]

She was one of those people that are not all there in the physical world, the people that are like "whoa, what's going on?...oh yeah, I'm shopping". They move really slow, they talk really slow, maybe they are semi-retarded, who knows?

Hey,......fuck..........you.....i'm.......pretty.. ....normal :p

[PHAT_ASS]

Hey,......fuck..........you.....i'm.......pretty.. ....normal :p

shut up Cleveland :D

oh and speaking of retards, i have this retard that keeps coming at work, but the guy talks really really REALLY fast, while spitting on himself at the same time. Oh and he sleeps with his mother too!

[san_pali]

shut up Cleveland :D

lol

[Yian]

I worked in a computer store once. Most of the time people come into the store so we can repair their computers, and most of the time those are some very stupid questions. One guy came in because his pictures in "My Pictures" folder stop showing the thumbnails, so he wants us to get his computer fixed. Sometimes we got some gamers here who obviously know what they want, so they were just here trying to get some used cheap stuff to mod their case with; they know too well that buying from newegg is much better. But most of the time, yeah, people are really stupid.

In the beginning I would try to walk these guys through with the problem, so they don't have to pay $60 to my boss everytime they can't install their own America Online. But a lot of them don't have the gut to learn, and they feel stupid when someone trying to teach them something new, without realizing the fact that I'm not the one that make them look stupid; they are just stupid to begin with. They would look at you really weird and just get really impatient, wondering why they paid me for if all I did was telling them to do it themselves.

[Kain]

Back when i used to work in Subway, on one of the late shifts, this man walks in, looks up at the board looks me and asks "So uuh, whadda ya sell here? Pizza's?..." It took me a moment to figure out he was serious, I mean, not only do we have huge ass pictures of sandwich's on the wall...

[schnitzel_bob]

Luckily, my job requires little customer interaction.
One Saturday night I was stuck closing, though, and a customer came around asking for hot dog buns. I told her that we were out but that we would have some fresh on Monday. So she looks me in the eye and says in a snotty voice "I don't know why I even shop here."

I felt like saying: Lady, I don't know either. Go to Safeway.

[StormyPeak]

I've worked in my store for about 18 years now...started there when my dad owned it, and my brother and I took over the place after dad died. In that time, I've met some many down to the core stupid/obnoxious/clueless customers I wish I had a dime for each one.... I could have retired a long time ago. : P

I think the one that was the most annoying though was this old demanding bitch that the whole town knows and most of the business owners in town just call her 'wingnut'. (as in got a screw loose, and also her last name was winger).

We had in-stock this Huge roll of nice quality carpet in shades of seafoam greens. It measured about 12 foot x 100 foot with about a 4 foot diameter and weighed over 400 pounds.

I had the sample to it and the dye lot on the sample matched the carpet perfectly...sometimes there are very slight dye lot differences.

Wingnut comes in, likes the carpet, wants to take the sample home...but stands there for 10 minutes complaining the sample's not the same color as the carpet...this coming from a woman who's wearing brown tinted seeing glasses the thickness of an old-fashioned glass cola-bottle. She wanted me to cut a chunk out of the main roll so she could take that home. I told her no, that the sample was a perfect match and I wasn't going to cut into the carpet because of that.

In a huff, she took that sample home, brought it back...still bitching that she didn't think the shade was just the same as the roll. That old bat came in after that almost every other day for almost a month looking at that carpet, taking the sample home, bringing it back, and asking the same fucking question about cutting a swatch out of the roll because the sample wasn't the same dye lot. She also kept asking for us to discount it...and it was already on sale. She even finally asked if our guys could take the WHOLE ROLL to her house and un-roll a good part of it out in her front room so she could see what it looked like in there.

Then one day, this young man comes in, says he and his girlfriend have a cabin they want to carpet and asks to see what's in stock. He saw the green carpet, looked at the price and the size and said, perfect! He bought the whole roll, paid cash and him and a carpet-installer buddy of his came and with the help of a few of our guys loaded it up in a pick-up truck and drove off.

Here's the kicker...not more than 20 minutes after he pulled out...here come's Wingnut again. I gleefully didn't say a word - pretended I was busy at the desk, told her I would be with her in a second. I let her walk down the aisle to where the carpet had been and discover for herself the big gapping hole where that carpet had been sitting. Then I got up, and asked her what I could do for her.

She says "Where's that green carpet at?"
I said, "I sold it today, and they picked it up already".

OH SHIT She got PISSED!
(I kept a straight face but was trying not to laugh- oh, it was such sweet justice to see her at the other end of being annoyed...as she had me that way every time she came in that past month)

She snaps at me...."You Knew Damn Good and Well I was interesting in that carpet...and You should have Called me first to give me the chance to take it, if you thought someone else was going to buy it."

I was very pleased to tell her "Mrs Winger, you had a whole month to buy that carpet and didn't....a person came in, waved cold hard cash and said, I want it....so I sold it to him. That's just the way it works."

She left and thankfully hasn't been back.

Most customer's I deal with are fine, I enjoy working with them...but every once in a while there's the ones that make being in business a head-ache.
Not very often do I get the chance to get back at one either...lol.

Stormy

[Darz]

The psychotic customers always make the job a bit more interesting.

[WhoGivesARatsAss]

Well thankfully, I dont have to deal with retards (not anymore since I not doing local projects and have been working with american companies for past 2 years). Anyways, American customers rock. This one guy for whom I am making a Payroll system wants to buy me an X1900 XT for free. Fuckin' A!

Ofcourse I am not going to accept the favor..

[Digital Limit]

These stories make me wish NiteWing hadn't up and left.

[SuperDavidGT]

That's assuming he was telling the truth.

[PHAT_ASS]

haha old people just love to bitch at anything....thats all they got to do. that and spending their money on scratchies, hoping to win more money to buy more scratchies!!

oh right, and today at work i had an old lady asking me if we had the magazine Playboy....said she's been in multiple places and coudnt find it..... read: OLD LADY looking for PLAYBOY...something is not right at all

[Digital Limit]

That's assuming he was telling the truth.

Truth is irrelevant: those were good stories.

[wmgreer]

I worked at a grocery store years ago. One day this lady with a buggy crammed full of things came through my line. I asked her how she was and she grunted. She just stood ther as I rang her purcheses up, making impatient noises and giving me "hurry up" looks. When I told her the total, she looked at me like I was some sort of idiot and said in a loud voice that it was two different orders and that they were suppose to be rung up seperately. She just went on and on. Needless to say I started to turn red, not from embarrassment, but from anger. The manager came over and asked what was wrong. The customer proceed to tell him what "I" had done. The manager asked me if it was true. I said no. Of course, the customer starts in on me calling me a liar and that I need to be fired and shouldn't be workng in the first place. Luckily for me, the person behind her spoke up and told the manager that she never told me it was two seperate orders.She started saying that was a bunch oflies,when a few other people in other lines agreed with the guy who spoke up for me. The woman just turned on her heel and stalked out of the store without a word.

[TopSecretBoy]

Alright, I'm home on my lunch break and I just had the funniest shit happen about two hours ago.

I'm sitting behind the food counter, and this guy comes up to my register after I call him from the line.

This guy is twitching like fucking nuts, and he keeps glancing to his left and right. The guy walks up, checks behind him, leans in to about a foot away from my face, and reaches his hand out palm down and whispers "You guys got any of that uh... Coke Freeze?"

I tell him yeah. Then he laughs for about 1/4 of a second, and just goes silent, glances left and right again, and then says he'd like a small Coke Freeze. So I grab the cup, and walk up to the freeze machine, I'm about to pull the lever and he goes "Hey... hey." under his breath, and motions for me to come back to him. He leans in again, glances around, and then whispers "Make that a large." So I get his large, and when he goes to give me the money, he sets it on the counter directly in front of him, and slowly slides it to my side with his hand covering the whole thing, like he's guarding it.

:confused:

[Yian]

Hahaha... he could be a schizo.

[TopSecretBoy]

Hahaha... he could be a schizo.

Could be. There's a guy that works there with tourette's syndrome too.

[Striker]

To start off, I work at Suncoast, which is a movie store. Being a movie store that carries all forms of movies, we of course have a small porn section in the back. Today I was taking out a ton of the porn back there to tray it (put it in those protective plastic security trays) since we've had a lot of porn-theft lately. Anyways, as I'm pulling them down, this really old, tiny Asian man walks up to me, and asks me what that area was. I told him that it was our adult movie area, and he goes "Ooooh, heheheh...", in this disturbing perverted old man voice. Anyways, I got about my business, and move on to other things. About five minutes later, he walks up to the counter with two of the porn flicks, and informs me that he wants to rent them. I then had to explain that we're not a rental store, and we only sell movies. After getting him to understand this, he wants me to recommend him a good place to rent porn.

Such a nice old man.

[Skull]

I used to work in a net-cafe where the PC's were mostly used for playing CounterStrike. The regulars demanded we make a CS tournament.

So, one day, we decided to organize a CS tournament, just for kicks.
The entry fee was just a few euros, and the prizes were a couple of hundred euros + I organized sponsorship with some local ISP.

Anyway... the 'clans' started signing up, but most of them, naturally, came without the money. Some of the 'clans' broke apart days before the event...
so, the remaining members of some clan ( four of them ) came by to ask
us to return the fee.

I said, OK, I'll return the money... but I didn't have the euro currency,
only our local money. I said to them: either take this now, or come back tomorrow. The four of them started talking 'gangsta' and making all the tough facial expressions and yelling at me.

I really hate that mentality. They think being 1337 CS-players makes them
real-life commando-gangstas.

So, I grabbed one of them, threw him out of the cafe and kicked him in the ass. The other three morons instantly calmed down, took the money silently and left.

Anyway, they were regular customers in the next year or so,
only the guy whose ass I kicked never returned.

[tisl]

Hahaha, awesome! Fucking teach those cunts a lesson.

[greymeister]

The wmgreer story reminds me that sometimes I wish that when people act that stupid that I could challenge them to a duel and shoot them dead right outside in the street. Ah the good old days.

[StormyPeak]

The wmgreer story reminds me that sometimes I wish that when people act that stupid that I could challenge them to a duel and shoot them dead right outside in the street. Ah the good old days.

You and me both.... There are some real low-lifes out there.

This is another example of lying-cheap-asshole-customers - two incidents, in-fact.

There is the older couple here in town, both in their early 60's.
His wife has been in court twice for shop-lifting.

Last year, although we can't prove it...we are sure she altered tags on some lamps - conning one of our sales people into selling her the lamps at $30.00 each instead of the real price of $45.00 each.

The day before she had tried to negotiate a $30.00 price on the lamps with our manager. He told her "no deal" they were already on special pricing.

She was back the next day - but came in when one of our delivery guys were there and "babysitting" the store while the manager ran to the bank, and the other sales person was at lunch. Those lamps mysteriously ended up with the 'new pricing' on the tags. We know she crossed out the price we had on them, and penned her price on them while the delivery guy was on the phone with another customer and not watching her. But, we don't have security monitors in the store so we couldn't prove anything. So, she got away with that stunt.

But then they tried to pull one another one.

Her husband came earlier this year shopping for vertical blinds...and as always the first words out his mouth...as with all their purchases from us was 'cheap, cheap, cheap'. They reminds me of friggin birds.

There nothing wrong with wanting a good deal, but it's irritating when someone comes in and expects new and high quality items for the price of some used garage sale junk.

He came in alone, and wanted to see samples of the lowest priced window blinds. I showed him two styles of my lowest priced vertical blinds - Wales, a kind of ribbed finish, and Fashion Curves that was slightly higher priced with a smooth surface.

He kept looking at the smooth finish blind, and even said..."So there are higher priced than the other?"

I said "Yes".

He said, 'The smooth finish would be easier to clean - but the others are cheaper'

I said "The Wales - though ribbed - could throw be put in a tub and they could still be clean pretty easy."

He then tapped his finger on the ribbed vertical (Wales, the cheaper one) and said, "Ok, get me a price on this".

I went into my office and figured the price and wrote everything down on my worksheet, and then handed him a piece of paper with the name Wales on it and the price for that product.

I had to take a trip over to Missoula the next day and while gone, this customer came back to the store and dealt with my brother - who was't aware I had bid the Wales.

The customer found the sample book that he had looked at the day before
and told my brother he wanted to order the blinds. BUT he pointed out the style 'Fashion Curves'....which is the higher priced one - the smooth finish one he liked but never ask for a pricing on.

I came in the next day, and saw the note, and told my brother that I never gave a bid for that style. So, I figure out the price and see what the upgrade would cost the customer - it was a $40.00 upgrade.

I called the customer and tell him the price difference and that bastard had the nerve to tell me that I was trying to bait and switch him. :mad:

He said I bid him the Fashion Curves and that was what he wanted.
I reminded him that he tapped his finger on the sample of Wales and said for me to price those out.

He called me a liar, and said that I knew he didn't want Wales that he even said he thought they would be harder to clean.

I told him, that I had written everything down on my worksheet and also on that paper I gave him...and both papers said Wales on them.

He put the phone down and said he was going to look for that paper. He came back and said he could find it (yeah, right) and he again accused me of trying to bait and switch him.

Being called a liar had me pissed off ...the first time I let it slide. The second time... I ripped him a new one.

I told that cheap bastard that I didn't lie and that everytime we did business with him and his wife there is always some kind of bullshit stuff that comes up where they try to get discounts after ordering things, and that our store, and my brother and I have excellent reputations for honesty --and that he and his wife couldn't say the same things about their own selves.

I also told that old fuck that cheating someone out of $40.00 was beneath my dignity...but apparently not his dignity - because that was what he was trying to do in getting me to sale him the better blinds for the price of the cheaper ones - at which point I hung up on the old son of a bitch.

My brother sits at a desk facing mine....and he looked stunned. He's rarely seen me get pissed off at someone before - especially a customer.

I told my brother that I really didn't give a rat's ass if we ever did business with those dishonest people again...and I was livid about the bait and switch remarks he made, and him calling me a liar. My brother agreed.

They've not been back....some people just are not worth dealing with...and that "Customer is always right" is bullshit....some customers are just flat out dis-honest and shouldn't be rewarded for it.

Stormy

[wmgreer]

And what would you shoot the with? A lot of lasting pain would go nicely.

[greymeister]

I was thinking a .357 but you know whatever I had handy :)

[SuperDavidGT]

Homemade flamethrowers = awesome.

[wmgreer]

:) good choices ;)

[NiteWing74]

These stories make me wish NiteWing hadn't up and left.


Don't worry... still here