Awkward moments.

[Cheddar]

We've all had some pretty embarrassing moments that we'd like to forget about but never quite can, the recollections continuing to lurk in the basement of our memories for years and years afterwards, ambushing us with their sudden and unwelcome remembrance during vulnerable periods of idle thought and introspection.

I have even developed a physical mannerism as a reflexive response to such sneak attacks, consisting of a spasm-like head twitch the instant the bothersome memory suddenly rears up at me from the blackness of the sub-conscious. I'm sure the spy cameras that monitor my every movement when out in public record on average ten to twenty such head twitches a day.

And alas, I fear my personal collection of awkward moments has just received a fresh addition, all set to plague me during the quiet times for years to come with its irking recollection.


I work part-time as a one-hour photo technician in a CVS drugstore and pharmacy, and on slow days when I'm not having to process many orders, I usually lend a hand to front-store tasks to help pass the time.

So on this one day last week it was stock day and I was helping out with said stocking, putting out some product in the vitamin isle.

It's incredibly dull work, and so as I was listlessly shelving items, my mind started to drift and I started thinking about that one awesome scene in Silence of the Lambs, the part where Hannibal Lector cuts off a guard's face and puts it over his own, using it as a disguise to escape from his prison.

As I was pondering that scene, I sort of got "into character", as it were, and musingly stated aloud to myself, I will take your face and wear it as my own.

Then I noticed this girl I work with was standing right beside me, stocking some items in a space adjacent to the product I was currently shelving.

Like, elbow-to-elbow close.

Like, close enough to clearly hear someone say something under their breath that no one else was intended to hear.

We kind of just stared at each other for a long moment, our faces perhaps a foot apart, her eyes showing much of their whites, my expression struggling to stay deadpan as my mind furiously raced to think up some way to rectify the situation.

Unfortunately, my usual quick wit failed me, and fearing that saying anything at all would only make things worse, I just winked at her and attempted to nonchalantly walk back to the photo lab, trying to ignore the feeling of her eyes boring into the back of my skull. She never said a word.

In fact, she hasn't said a word to me since. Pretty sure she's avoiding the photo lab now whenever our shifts cross.


So........any of you have some awkward moments you'd also like to share?

[wmgreer]

ROFLMAO!

[TopSecretBoy]

I lol'd :D

[LittleChief]

Hah! Good to see you again Cheddar.

My most significant and embarrassing moment happened around 2 years ago at the office I held a part time job at. I used to make copies of blueprints, and there would be a daily list of print requests, sometimes quite short, and sometimes quite long. Anyway there was a woman, probably in her late 50's who would deliver this list to me. Well that day, the list was really short. This is the conversation:

Woman: Here's your list!

Me: Oh hey, great.

Woman: It's a pretty easy one today. Really short!

Me: Haha, yeah. I really don't mind when you give me a hard one though.

That was a red-facer to say the least.

[schnitzel_bob]

I was working alone at 3 oclock one morning, cleaning out the big dough mixer, so my head was in there (it's a big mixer). I wasn't expecting anyone till 4, but one woman came in early and said hi to me while I was still bent over cleaning the mixer. Startled, I straightened up, or tried to, but since I still had my head in the thing, I fucking brained myself so hard I was seeing stars. Good times.

[blind_mad_cow]

Worst for me...well.
About 3 1/2 years ago i was over at a buddies house staying the night b/c the following morning we were going to dove hunt on his place (basically his back yard). Anyway, he's got a hawt sister and i always tease him about how im going to knock her up. She use to be a cheerleader so naturally there we pictures of her in her cheerleader outfit from back in the day. Well, I took one into the bathroom with me and comenced to 'rubbing one out' to her old picture. She walked in on me, saw what i was doing, said 'oh god' and walked back out. Havent been in their restrooms since.

[iha‏teyou]

This is about the only awkward moment, and it taught me a valuable lesson in childhood. Don't go in the woman's bathroom.

I was still a toddler or maybe a little older, not sure.. Anyway my mom had always use to take me to this big creepy manor house that's supposedly haunted to go swimming in their indoor pool. My mom would always have me go in the woman's bathroom with her and go in a stall to change because she was scared to let me go in the men's bathroom alone. I mean, can you really blame her? She was a concerned mother.

So anyway, I had learned from my mom to be scared of the men's bathroom, so I went in the girl's bathroom because I heard no one was in there, but while I was changing in the stall some girls who were a little bit older than me. I had no idea what to do, I tried waiting for them to leave, but inevitably they started a full conversation in a BATHROOM as you could expect girls to do. So I just walked out finally and they were like "Are you a girl?!? AHH!!". I had long blonde faggy hair when i was this young and an infantile face so I just blew it off.. -_-
After this experience, I've never went in a girl's public bathroom again.

I'd like to see somone top this on the level of embarassment.

By the way, I don't think you should watch any violent movies, cheddar.

[halomizer]

Doctor stuck his finger in my ass when I was 10.

[Digital Limit]

I need to rewatch Silence of the Lambs, but gah, I am in the process of rewatching the Batman movies!

Too little time and too many movies!


As for awkward moments, I recently blew my load during a dry-hump.

However, we've been together for awhile so I just played it casual :p

[wmgreer]

Ahh, wait until you guys have kids.

1. My oldest daughter, who will be twelve in a few months, looked at me while we were in Ingles when she was about 6 or 7 and asked me a question. I couldn't hear her cause she was mumbling as most kids go. Well, after asking 3 times to repeat the question, she yelled at the top of her voice, "I said when are my boobies going to be as big yours?"

2. My son, who is almost five, topped that one. He had problems with his ears as an infant which resulted in him not able to hear things properly, therefore he wasn't able to pronounce words the way they were meant to be said. (He ended up having to get tubes in his ears when he was 2 1/2. The ear canals were not wide enough and they wasn't able to drain, causing everthing he heard to sond muffled.) Anyway, when he was two, we were in Wal-mart in the toy section. He was a big fan of Thomas the Tank Engine, Thomas and Percy being his favorite. He stood there looking at them for a minute, looked up at me and his dad, and said as loud as he could " MOMMY, DADDY, I WANT PUSSY!!!!!"

[tisl]

Uh, when I was a kid (elementary school) I didn't know how to use a urinal properly at school, so I just stood two feet away and let loose. Of course, people saw my dick. This happened a few times until I figured out the proper way. The only reaction I remember was other kids laughing.

[LynX]

wmgreer: lol, surely a sign that he's gonna grow up to be a fine (and straight) man. :p

Myself, i'm very used to wearing zip-less pants, so once I wore this old pair of jeans which I threw on blearily in the morning, then headed to school. I just finished one class and sat on the benches nearby to wait for the next one, when I noticed people slowing down and staring at my general direction. Particularly, at my crotch.

I looked down, and the fly was wiiiiiiiide open.

[SuperDavidGT]

Like, close enough to clearly hear someone say something under their breath that no one else was intended to hear.

I laughed so hard I think a little pee came out.

Uh, when I was a kid (elementary school) I didn't know how to use a urinal properly at school, so I just stood two feet away and let loose. Of course, people saw my dick. This happened a few times until I figured out the proper way. The only reaction I remember was other kids laughing.

I got one up on you. When I began first year of primary school (age 5) I used to stand at the urinal, shove my pants all the way to my ankles then tuck the bottom of my shirt under my chin, just as mummy taught me to do. A third year kid came in once and laughed, then said "look, chocolate!" Needless to say, I learnt the importance of the fly that day.

The next one came in fifth year (I was 9), after our first round of sex-ed. I came out at the end, when our parents were picking us up, and said "Mum! I found out today that I ejaculated!" Which, of course, I hadn't, since my balls were probably not even functional at that time.

[absolute_deviation]

the day i lost my hearing...that was the most embarrassing moment of my life

[Cheddar]

You know, you really should have elaborated on that, AD.

[Lehesu]

You know, you really should have elaborated on that, AD.

It probably involves certain bodily fluids of a milky tint.

[absolute_deviation]

It probably involves certain bodily fluids of a milky tint.
sorry to disappoint but no milky bodily fluids involved.

[Kain]

Have to say my most memorable akward moment, was when my Gf's brother basicly walked in on us

[Cheddar]

Have to say my most memorable akward moment, was when my Gf's brother basicly walked in on us

Well, I could definitely see that being his most memorable (read: traumatic) awkward moment.

It probably involves certain bodily fluids of a milky tint.

sorry to disappoint but no milky bodily fluids involved.

Don't worry Lehesu, I got the joke.

[Mechanerd]

I had a traumatic and painful school life where every day was an awkward moment, this thread has unearthed buried memories that scarred me for life. Thanks alot assholes.

[SaintDL]

so like i was going to commercial area dowtown where i should get my pre employment medical check up. i took public transport. that's the bus and the train...

along the way i get chicks who looked at me in the weirdest way. well i'm kinda sexy for a chinese so i thought its my charm acting on them. so i smiled back at them with the most charming smile i can. for some odd reasons they either smile in a funny way and looked away or stopped looking at me in a nervous way...

so the journey lasted around 2 hours and along the way i was beginning to think myself as a hollywood actor or something because girls keep looking at me and either appear nervous(out of breathe kind) or giggling. i thought venus had blessed me with godly sex appeal for the day.

so anyway i walked into the clinic where i was to do the checkup. the hot nurse with big titts seemingly become a victim of my one day sex appeal bless effects. what can i do, i smile back in the most seductive manner a man can get. then she handed me one test tube and told me to pee into it for the urine test. before i left for the toilet, i gave her that most sexually charming smile i can do and gave her that wink.

then while i was trying to fulfill my deed... i can't seem to get started... i mean... hey i was wearing jeans right? how come i dun touch the rough denim but feel cotton instead...

yep guys. my fly was open the goddamn 2 hrs to downtown.
fuck and i thought i was sexy....
i took 30 minutes trying to regain my composure before leaving and i'm sure i heard a loud laughter as i left the clinic...

i can only think how lucky i was not to be arrested as a flasher...

[burnart]

hehe...that made reading this far worth it, man my school time was nonexistent

[SaintDL]

I had a traumatic and painful school life where every day was an awkward moment, this thread has unearthed buried memories that scarred me for life. Thanks alot assholes.

...stop being such a whiner man. we all go thru those stages and we get old and look back at them and laugh.
grow up ffs.

[iha‏teyou]

I think he's attempting humor.

[halomizer]

...stop being such a whiner man. we all go thru those stages and we get old and look back at them and laugh.
grow up ffs.

lmao serious ftw

[SaintDL]

lol doh...

[Silence]

well for me, i think one of the top 3 is when my gfs mom walked in on us (SHES LIKE SAM FISHER FFS! she sneaked in the apartment commando style, noone heard her!!!)

but in a way i thanked the god she was one of the coolest old ladies ive known... later she "wanted to have a chat with us", and the only 2 things she sayd was "did you atleast use protection?" and told her daughter "next time lock the door"

Awesome (and hot) moms FTFW!

[Cheddar]

Her father likely would have reacted differently, methinks.

[Silence]

Her father likely would have reacted differently, methinks.

u thinks? but yea, thank god for divorces eh...

[Cheddar]

Ah.

Well, I was just reminded of something similar that's happened in my own experience. But involving a father instead.

-___-

[Kain]

Ah.

Well, I was just reminded of something similar that's happened in my own experience. But involving a father instead.

-___-

Is this story going to include incest?

[Hobbes874]

Her father likely would have reacted differently, methinks.
Would've given him the old "lemme show you my gun rack" talk.



/plans on using said tactic if I ever have an attractive daughter


@SaintDL: I giggled at your story
P.S I might post some stories tomorrow at work when I get bored.

[absolute_deviation]

Don't worry Lehesu, I got the joke.

well aren't you the genius.

[Cheddar]

I know, right?

[Hobbes874]

Here's a story involving me and a girl this spring:

So I had been seeing/hooking up with this girl over the winter and through the spring semester, never had many problems...however, being a geek, I have a majority of very nerdy/geeky friends that don't seems to know much about women, courtship and the like. This would bring me numerous problems and this story is an example of only one incident.

It was a friends birthday and we were having the celebrations at the house I lived in up till about 2 months ago. All the usual friends were over partying and getting ourselves and mainly our friend wasted. Around one or two in the morning the party starts winding down and some decide to make a run to Ihop, I decide against this idea because my woman came over sometime after they left (And I'm not a fan of spending $6-8 on pancakes). At this point the birthday boy had been taken to bed and I took her into my room for obvious reasons. Well, everything was going fine until they came back, my roommate at the time believed that there was something of the utmost importance to tell me so he proceeds to open my closed door and yell "HEY Kai(my name)......woooaahhh!" Quickly backing out of the room and closing the door. This mofo knew full well that she was over and with me. I was on top of her with both of us wearing very litte I whipped around with the biggest "WTF!?" look and dirty glare I could muster. I didn't get a chance to see her face but my roommate said it was pretty good. 0_0 <--- somethin' like that

Now that I think about it, that was the second intrusion of the night. The first one involved the birthday boy, broken spanish, a file set and my door lock being picked....*sigh*

[Digital Limit]

Haha, how romantic.

Just the other week while I was down in Summerfest I got "caught" making out in the back of a car.

That was kind of awkward, yeah.

[Rhenna]

About 18 months ago, I'm at work, in the middle of the night. (I work odd hours; I'm lucky to be able to work from home quite a bit; but when I am at work, it's generally not during regular business hours.)

I'm supervising a group of guys getting an important shipment ready to go the following morning. The warehouse is huge, filled with lots of crates and boxes. (Just like a level in almost every first-person shooter you've ever played.) There are elevated platforms, catwalks, the whole deal. My office is on the third level overlooking the warehouse floor. I'm typing up a manifest.

The guys, mostly late teens and twenties, are at a supervisors station on the second level. It's just a huge landing with a few desks and chairs. They're taking a break, which is fine with me. We're a bit ahead of schedule, and everyone is in a good mood tonight. They're good guys and they like it when I'm scheduled to supervise. I see a computer is on where they are, but I can't see the monitor. I figure it's nothing more than the inventory program. The I.T. boys kill the web access after 5:30pm. No problem.

I can't quite hear what is being said, but I do hear the name "Svetlana." Now, Svetlana appeared out of nowhere and is a waitress at the local diner. She looks like Uma Thurman did in Pulp Fiction, but even I would say she looks about 3 times better, and I'm as straight as a laser beam. I can only imagine what she looks like through a man's eyes. Perhaps it was a reflex, but as the topic turns to Svetlana, about four or five guys turn and look up at my office, only to see me staring back down at them. I'm seeing a bit of nervousness when our eyes meet, so I can guess what is being discussed with regard to Ms. Svetlana. The volume level of the conversation goes down a notch, and I decide to give the boys some space. One of the guys starts fooling with the computer mouse as I turn and walk away from the window. Almost at once, the conversation level goes back a bit beyond where it was previously.

There's a door to an outside "balcony" sort of thing. It's all ironwork, but leads nowhere but the roof. I open the door, and step out, leaving the door ajar. I'm at the rear of the building, and the Moon is pretty among the clouds. I look at my watch; I can spare five minutes. I can faintly hear the guys inside, they're positively howling. I'm wondering who is going to have the last laugh; my crew or Svetlana?

A minute or two later, it occurs to me I'm not hearing the boys any longer. I look at my watch and see it's been closer to 15 minutes rather than 1 or 2. Lost in my thoughts, I suppose. As soon as I turn and face the door, I know I'm toast. Yes, somehow it closed. And locked. Never did before, and hasn't since. I immediately think, "Is somebody having a little fun at my expense?"

I knock on the door. I yell. I knock a little louder. Then, positively pound on the thing. It's a steel door without a window. I'm 36 feet, (11 meters), in the air. No response. I yell a bit more, and do some more pounding. Still no response. Great. I start eyeing the ladder to the roof.

"Don't be stupid", I tell myself. "Sooner or later they'll come looking for you." Except, there is a central corridor to the rest of the building from my office. It would only be natural to think I'm somewhere else in the third floor offices, not out on a freakin' iron platform in 38°F. (3°C.) weather. What idiot does that?

Minutes go by. Quite a few. Oh, yeah... I forgot to mention, it's a little windy. I'm not shivering. Yet. A couple of gusts of wind go by and I'm thinking, "Glad I wasn't on the roof just then." I faintly hear the phone ringing in my office. It goes on and on. Then stops. Some more yelling and pounding seems appropriate. No response. I reluctantly climb the ladder to the roof. I peer across the roofline, which angles downward on either side of the center ridge section. I see a few vents and such, but it's pretty much an unbroken expanse of sheet metal. And, the wind seems a bit more frisky up here. Hmmm... Even if I go along the ridge, that will just take me to the other, equally isolated end of the warehouse. About halfway down, maybe 200 feet, (61 meters), the main office intersects the warehouse. I can slide down the slope, and drop to the office roof. Except the office roof is about 16 feet lower than the edge of the slope. I know this, because I sat in a meeting and through a skylight watched Maintenance wrestle an extension ladder into place in about that same spot one afternoon. Now, dropping 16 feet, (about 5 meters), is no big deal when you're playing UT. It is in Real Life(tm), however. Winter is coming on. I figure they would probably find my body in the Spring.

The door opens. "Hey, Rhen_____." He doesn't even finish my name before it slams again! I come off the ladder like Sydney Bristow. More yelling and pounding. After a bit, it opens again. "Oh!" "There you are..." (The only reason my hero thought to open the door is because my mp3 player is hanging off the doorknob, inside.)

It gets better. My boss is downstairs. With his son. I won't get too descriptive here because my presence on this Forum is known where I work. Anyway, it's 3:30am, the red-hot morning shipment is now well over an hour behind the power-curve, my crew is in stitches when the boss unexpectedly walks in, because IT left web access to the warehouse PCs, and some jackass Googled "Explosive Diarrhea" and I find out later that the guys are positively crying, they're laughing so hard. Meanwhile, nobody knows where I am when the boss asks, and somebody even suggests that I may have gone home!

"Get your people back to work. We'll talk about this later."

And talk, we did. I'm liked at work, but, apparently, not well-liked. I was given two options. Resign. Or, get fired. I chose the former. It looks so much better on a resume. None of the guys on the crew got canned, so that was a good thing. (I.T. took some of the heat on that.) So, it looked like a career change was in progress. This distribution warehouse is in the middle of nowhere, just outside a couple of small towns. It's the only decent paying employment in the area. My home belonged to my grandfather; he left it to me. I'm not selling it and moving anywhere. So, after awhile, I take a job in town. The bank thing didn't work out, but I land the job at the diner. As a waitress. (Did that in college.) Working with Svetlana.

The guys from where I worked come in. It's awkward. They feel responsible. Ashamed. I serve them coffee and Cokes. They apologize. I tell them they didn't do anything wrong. They leave big tips. I feel ashamed. Like I said, it's awkward.

This goes on for about five weeks. During which, I find out that Svetlana is from Armenia and has a degree in Metallurgy. Somehow, that makes me feel a bit more at ease with my situation. No lack of education among the staff at this fine dining establishment. I picture my Dad spinning axially in his grave. Then, I feel blue again.

Anyway, it all works out OK. Things go, well, not so smoothly at where I used to work. (Remember, I need to chose my words carefully, here.) Middle-management petitions for my return. The boss... Well, I guess I'll say that the boss agrees. I get the same position back. Same pay. Same everything. Things go smoothly once again. A few months later, Svetlana gets a job in the Sales Office. Good for her. I had the lockset removed from the door to the platform at my office. I haven't gone near the ladder to the roof ever again.

[FATMAN]

Hell of a story there rhenna, too bad it didnt work out in ur favor :(. Seriously ever thought of writing a book or something during ur spare time?

[RAY16]

About 18 months ago, I'm at work, in the middle of the night. (I work odd hours; I'm lucky to be able to work from home quite a bit; but when I am at work, it's generally not during regular business hours.)

I'm supervising a group of guys getting an important shipment ready to go the following morning. The warehouse is huge, filled with lots of crates and boxes. (Just like a level in almost every first-person shooter you've ever played.) There are elevated platforms, catwalks, the whole deal. My office is on the third level overlooking the warehouse floor. I'm typing up a manifest.....

*snip*

I'm not sure if I should say that was an interesting or "good" story.... whatever, thank's for sharing. Twas a good read.

Hell of a story there rhenna, too bad it didnt work out in ur favor :(. Seriously ever thought of writing a book or something during ur spare time?

Did you even read the whole thing? She eventually got her job back. Sounds like it ended well enough to me.

[FATMAN]

I'm not sure if I should say that was an interesting or "good" story.... whatever, thank's for sharing.



Did you even read the whole thing? She eventually got her job back. Sounds like it ended well enough to me.

doh stupid me, thats what u get for missing the last few lines ><

[Digital Limit]

Wow, that was quite the story. You write very well!

Any other interesting tales to tell us?

[schnitzel_bob]

I got one from work today.

I work in a grocery store, so there are sometimes samples, which we pick up and eat. One of the other bakers (there were three of us) had left a piece of sausage in a little plastic cup on the counter. So I'm looking at this thing and start thinking of the part in "Rat Race" where Rowan Atkinson goes "look, little cock doggies!", and without really thinking, I positively yell out "WHO'S COCK IS THIS?" to the 2 guys I was working with. Now, there's other people in the department, and customers walking by, all of whom turned around and look at me. I just turned around and shrank away.